Updated: Apr 15, 2020
"Every boundary I set is an investment designed to prevent future resentment, pain, and disconnection."
"One of the perks of boundary setting is, it’s a preventative measure against resentment, pain and disconnection.
Which means with each boundary we bring forward, we set one more building brick towards compassion, understanding and connection.
You see, when we don’t honour the lines we all have, all of those feelings that arise have to go somewhere. They don’t magically disappear just because we’re in denial of their existence.
Instead they get pushed down real deep.
Sometimes we can push our true feelings so far under that we’re convinced we’re “over it” and that the original offending situation, comment or behaviour “wasn’t that bad”.
Gaslighting ourselves this way really does a number on our self-esteem and self-worth, which can contribute to very porous or very ridged boundaries.
When we’re camping out in either extreme, the conditions are ripe for these buried materials to come forward with a vengeance when times of stress, crisis and pain arise.
When we’re compromised emotionally by the tough times in life, memories of these old boundary violations can start swirling in our unconscious.
When this happens our conscious behaviour finds ways to “release the pressure” of this stirring material.
It might come out through a snarky comment. Or a condescending tone. Or a cold demeanour.
Or any other sneaky but passive way this aggression can find a way out.
The emotion related to boundaries is anger.
When anger isn’t felt cleanly or processed properly it morphs into aggression.
Then if we have a history of not backing up our boundaries this morphed anger either turns into passive aggression (to self and others) or overt aggression (to self and others).
And when life gets tough or stress comes a knocking, all of our coping strategies that keep a lid on this festering aggression go out the window and we act in ways we might regret it likely aren’t in line with our truest essence.
So, if this has been your pattern, first off you’re not alone, you’re not faulty or dysfunctional- you’re normal.
And the way through is spiffing up those boundaries and backing them up no matter how hard it is in the moment."
Kelsey is a Love and Relationship Coach specializing in Radical Self Love Methodology.
Kelsey writes, speaks and educates women and men the art of accessing greater alignment with themselves, so that they can in turn deepen connections with others and experience the full essence of true love.
If you're interested in working with Kelsey, visit here.
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